69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
