Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He shit in the fireplace
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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