STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
