Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
