i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
