So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
