i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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