why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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