I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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