it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
