He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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