Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
