He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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