I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
