Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
