You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
