We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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