just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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