so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
