new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
