I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
