my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize