franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
