My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
