your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
