Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I didn't notice because vodka
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
