somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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