she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
