Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
