Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Shame is for Republicans.
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