his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
