I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
being pregnant is like rehab
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
