do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
