and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
