I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Holy shit dude........stairs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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