do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
