I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
