We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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