do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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