8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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