So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
