Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
