I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
