What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
