I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
