I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
