I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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