It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
