mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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