fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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