Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
