ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
