You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
