Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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