Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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