Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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