i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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