Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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