I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
