I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize