i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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