I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
