You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
