The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
