I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
