I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
