You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
