I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize