Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
