According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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