so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
