; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
