If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
