can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
