I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize