you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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