How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
